January 2003

Late Night with Conan O'Brien

*Italics indicate impressions of the person indicated

Conan: My next guest began his professional acting career doing comedy bits on this show. It's been all uphill since, believe me. Hes now co-starring as Lex Luthor in the hit WB show Smallville. Please welcome Michael Rosenbaum.

{Michael comes out, pumps his fists a little, bows in a "we're not worthy" pose to Conan, waves to the crowd, shakes Conan's hand, and sits down.}

Conan: You know, we were looking...we were looking way back. It's the very beginning of this show, before my voice changed...

Michael: Right.

Conan: And it will change...uh, and we're in this mustard colored set, and it's 1993, and you're one of the first bits that we used to do on the show...

Michael: Yeah.

Conan: ...where you play this kid, you and a woman would play kids from Amsterdam, who were talking about how cool it is in Amsterdam.

Michael: They were two kids who were misinformed about Amsterdam's liberal social policies.

Conan: (laughing) Yeah. And I remember it always did well, and now, things have, uh, really taken off.

Michael: Yeah, it was my first gig, and it was my first paycheck. NBC Studios, for like $40 or whatever it was, it paid the rent for a couple of months. Thank you.

Conan: That's about what I'm getting. I get the $40 ones. Um, and uh...it's kind of ironic, because I wanted to find out what you've been doing, and now that you're getting famous you're doing these interviews. I'm reading a Rolling Stone interview...

Michael: Oh, man.

Conan: And in it, you know, you talk about how you once smoked pot with your grandmother. And I thought--I remember I read the story and you didn't go...

[audience laughter and cheers]

Conan: This is not a Lieberman crowd, trust me. Lieb is watching right now, "I must get out of this!". But I'm curious. How did that come to be? This sounds like the coolest grandmother ever.

Michael: Well, that was years ago. You know--I was just trying the stuff out...

Conan: Years ago, back when grannies were cool.

Michael: (laughing) Yeah. And my brother and I, we went outside...

Conan: So this is...how old were you? Paint the picture.

Michael: Ah, ya know... eighteen, ninete...twenty-two probably...

Conan: (laughing) Right, right.

Michael: Twenty-two years old. And I was outside with my brother and we, you know, did the deed and we went into the house, and my grandmother is sitting there with her glasses and her cigarette...she had these long, Moore dark cigarettes with the ash this long about to go, and she looked at me and she goes, {grandmother's voice} "Gimme it." [audience laughter] And I go, "What are you talking about" and she goes, "Gimme the stuff, right now." I go, "Whaddya.." "I wanna smoke some of that stuff."

Conan: Cause she could smell...

Michael: She could smell it on us!

Conan:(nodding) Right, right.

Michael: And I go, "What are you talking about?" and she goes, "I want it. It doesn't work. The stuff doesn't work. Just give it to me." So finally I go "All right" and I passed her the J, and Grandma sits there (mimes inhaling), practically swallowed the whole thing. [audience laugher] And it was unbelievable. Like an hour later, I'm like, uh--she's like scarfing down this pizza, this whole thing. [laughter] She's like "This stuff doesn't work!" (mimes scarfing down pizza and licking fingers) and just going nuts on it.

Conan: (laughing) Not many people have that experience with their grandmother.

Michael: It was great. She was a beautiful woman, God rest her soul, you know...she...yeah.

Conan: God rest her soul. Now let me ask you about the movies now. You're not just doing Smallville.

Michael: No

Conan: You're doing movies as well.

Michael: Yeah

Conan: With big names

Michael: Yeah.

Conan: You worked with Christopher Walken

Michael: Love Christopher Walken. I always heard how weird he was...you know, I've seen him on your show. (audience claps) Yeah, Christopher Walken's a genius.

[more clapping]

Conan: Were you intimidated?I mean, if I ever had to do--I can interview these people, but if I ever had to like, be in a movie with them...

Michael: Right.

Conan: I'd just kill myself, because they're just iconic.

Michael: They're huge. I walked up to him on the set, and I said, "Uh, I'm a huge fan of yours, I've been watching your movies forever....True Romance, you were awesome" and this and that, and he looked at me and he goes "Yeah." And I looked at him and I said "Hey, should I call you Chris, or Mr. Walken?" He goes {Christopher Walken voice} "I dunno.[audience laughter] Call me Flash." And he walked away. [audience laughter] And the next day...

Conan: That's great. That's so cool.

Michael: Yeah. And the next day, I came on the set, and I go, "Should I call you...I go "Hey Flash!" cause you know... I thought I had an in with Christopher Walken, and he goes, "What? Who are you?" and he walked away. {laughs} I swear!

[audience laughter]

Conan: You know what's amazing about him is anything sounds funny coming from Christopher Walken.

Michael: Anything.

Conan: Anytime he comes on the show, he's not even, you know, telling a particularly funny ancecdote, it's just hearing words come out of his mouth is funny.

Michael: Cheerios.

Conan: Cheerios?

Michael:Cheerios. Wow. It's funny if he's saying it.

Conan: (laughing) That's how he says Cheerios?

Michael: Yeah. Conan. Everything he says is funny. He's just...he's...

Conan: What about Kevin Spacey? Have you worked with Kevin Spacey?

Michael: Yeah. The story--and I'll try to wrap it up quickly-- is I was at the Grammys, don't ask me how I got there, but we had backstage passes, and we had to dress like...

Conan: And you're back there with your pot smokin' granny.

Michael:(light laughter) No...she didn't come that time.

Conan: All right

Michael: But we were...I had to get dressed like a rock and roller, so I went to a vintage store and I got this old vintage ugly suit, with a vest, bell-bottoms...Elvis suit.

Conan: Right

Michael: And I had this long hair and I go to the Grammys, and I'm seein' all these famous people, these musicians, and I go in the bathroom and I'm urinating right next to Tony Bennett. Right? And I go, "Tony Bennett, wow" and he looks at me and he goes,{Tony Bennett voice} "Wow" cause he was lookin' at my crazy suit. And I look at him and I go, "You like it?" and he goes, "No."

[audience laughter]

Michael: And then I see Kevin Spacey walking out. I go, "Kevin Spacey, I'm a huge fan. I'm gonna do a movie with you, man. I'm gonna do a movie with you." And he looks at me and goes, {Kevin Spacey voice} "Well, hell, with a suit like that, why not?"

[audience laughs]

Michael: And a year later I did a movie with him--Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. And I said, "Hey, remember me? I met you at the Grammys and I said I'm going to do a movie with you?" And he goes, "Oh wait a minute. Were you wearing this crazy whacked out Elvis suit?"

Conan: He remembered!

Michael: He remembered! And I said "Yeah" and he goes, "Yeah, I remember you."

[audience laughs]

Michael: It was just...it was so cool that he remem....I've never really done a Kevin Spacey, but...

Conan: Now for this role in Smallville, you're Lex Luthor. You had to shave your head for the role.

Michael: Yeah.

Conan: And that would be scary for a lot of actors. I mean, obviously it's a great role so you shave your head, but were you worried when you shaved your head that to make the ladies....not flock to you anymore?

Michael: Go away? Not that they were there all the time anyway?

[light laughter from audience]

Conan: Right.

Michael: Um..you know, I thought I was going to look like Rocky Dennis from that movie Mask...

Conan: Yeah.

Michael: You ever see that?

Conan: Right.

[audience laughs]

Michael: Well, I didn't know what I was going to look like. I was really scared...(laughs) I love Rocky Dennis...

Conan: He was a fine, yeah, a fine looking guy...

Michael: It's a great movie, a great flick. No, but...

[audience laughs]

Michael: I was lucky. When they shaved my head, they lathered me up and I was shaking, you know, in the chair and it looked all right. But then I was trying to get my buddy because he's got these islands patch...islands of hair...

Conan: He's losing his hair.

Michael: He's losing his hair and he's got these islands, and I'm like, "Dave, why don't you just shave your head," you know, because he's taking the one hair and bringing it all the way over here, and I'm like "Just shave it, girls like it." And we're at this stoplight, and we're cruising, you know, looking for women, and I look next to me at the stoplight, and there's these two girls in a Jeep. And I just said, "Watch this Dave. It's not that bad. Check it out." And I roll down the window--and I wasn't being cheesy or rude. I just said {smiles}, "Hi."

[light laughter from audience]

Michael: And it was like a nightmare...a Wes Craven movie. She looked at me, looked at her friend, and goes, {whisper} "I think that bald guy is saying hi to me."

[audience laughs]

Michael: And I looked at Dave and I said, "Dave, this never happens! She's just...she's awful, she's so..."

[audience laughs]

Conan: (laughing) Yeah, and then they peel out.

Michael: (clutching head) Yeah, and he's like, "I'm never shaving it!" So, ya know...

[light laughter]

Conan: Those women are wrong. It was terrible what they did. Well, Smallville airs Tuesday nights at 9 on the WB.

Michael: Yeah.

Conan: And uh, check that show out...

Michael: Please.

Conan: It's a very good show. And congratuations to you.

Michael: Thanks so much for having me. It was great.

Conan: Yeah, well deserved. Very talented guy...Michael Rosenbaum everyone!