March 2002

Best Damn Sport Show Period

Chris Rose: Our next guest has needed mental help ever since working with Tom Arnold on 'The Tom Show'. You know him as Lex Luthor on the show 'Smallville' on The WB, and he plays both a boy and a girl in the funny movie 'Sorority Boys'.

{plays the "that's easy for you to say, you're pretty" clip}

Chris: Please welcome, Michael Rosenbaum!

{Michael comes out. He's carry a bottle of water, wearing jeans, a grey kind of pullover shirt deal over a white T-shirt and a black jacket. He shakes everyone's hands.)

Chris: {standing to shake Michael's hand} I've got to stand up for you buddy. I've got some class.

Tom Arnold: {to Michael} Sit down, Dude.

{Michael sits next to Tom}

Michael: Classy man. Good to be here, Tom.

Tom: Now this movie, Sorority Boys... is that gay porn? What's the deal with that? Cause I know that you were... in 'Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil' you played a gay guy. And then in that... what's that movie with Keanu Reeves...

Michael: 'Sweet November'

Tom: 'Sweet November,' you played a gay guy... and now you're playing a guy who dresses up...is this acting at all for you?

Michael: I'M NOT GAY IN... I know, my parents are asking me the same question. No, this is my third movie in drag... no second movie in drag. This time I'm not gay though. I'm a guy who has to go undercover in drag.

Tom: But on Smallville, don't you have sort of a love triangle with Superman and that really hot chick?

Michael: No! No! No love triangle going on...there's no homoerotic behavior of any sort... {to audience} You guys don't see that, do ya?

Audience: NO!

Michael: Good. See...there's not.

Tom: You know, the audience...they loved you in Powder. We were talking about that earlier.

{everyone laughs. Michael pretends he's pouting about it}

Tom: I'm kidding! Michael's an old buddy...he's going to be in my wedding...I'm being nice to him.

Michael: Yeah, I know. He's being real nice to me.

John Salley: But I went to the premiere, because Michael asked me, and Tom...

Michael: Yeah, because my real friend, Tom, didn't go.

Tom: I had to work!

Michael: What were you doing that was more important? 'McHale's Navy Part 2,' buddy?

{everyone laughs and ooohs}

Tom: Hey! You were in the suckiest thing I ever did, 'The Tom Show,' so shut up!

{everyone laughs}

Chris: So you're saying that was worse than what we're doing?

Tom: No, that's true. Now, you're at the bottom.

Michael: Where's Kruck at? {the other host they usually have also}

Tom: Uh, he's out smokin'

Michael: Oh.

Tom {to John}: So you went to the premiere and you loved 'Sorority Boys'?

John: I liked it...it was funny..

Michael: We had fun didn't we...lotta girls...

John: That's right. He was nervous...I sat with all the frat guys, 'cause they used their frat house at UCLA...

Tom: What happened to Michael in that movie that was interesting?

John: Oh, Michael...uh...I think he went beyond just being drag in this movie. But I don't wanna give it away...you gotta figure it out...

Michael: I took a little chance, didn't I?

John: He had to take a chance. He went deep on this one...

Michael: No not deep! Not deep! Let's not use the word deep, now...

Tom: Oh, I gotta see that. I'll see it this weekend.

John: No, he was really, really funny...and he had a fat butt the whole movie.

Michael: {reaching over Tom to shake John's hand} Thank you, brother! I appreciate it!

John: That's... don't be happy about that.

Chris: Don't the black guys like the...

John: Not when it's a guy!

Tom: Ok, let's see...you also play hockey a lot...

Michael: I like hockey.

Tom: ...you're one of the best celebrity hockey players. We were at the Microsoft Challenge, and I was helping you out, we got a clip of that...

Michael: You were dirty.

Chris: Here's the deal...Tom and John were opposing coaches...

{Cuts to the clip. It's from over Tom's shoulder on the bench. Michael comes skating by paying no attention to Tom, and Tom reaches out from the bench, grabs his jersey, pulls him back and starts beating Michael on the head. Michael tries to keep his footing and get his stick up to defend himself, but he can't because Tom's leaning over him pushing him down, and also because one of Tom's team members comes over and also starts beating Michael about the head. (Michael is wearing his helmet, don't worry.)

{During the clip:}

Michael: Look at this crap!

Tom: Watch his head! We got his...just bashing his head on the side...

Michael: Look at this!

{clip ends}

Tom: That was Russ Cardinal (?) helping me out. Did that hurt?

Michael: {indignant} Yeah it hurt!! You guys took advantage of me...and then I got a penalty, a two minute penalty for...

Chris: {to John} Coach, you gonna let one of your players get treated like that?

John: No, but he's...know why? Cause he scored two goals out of the nine...Michael got the two.

Chris: Yeah! Atta boy, Michael!

Michael: {nodding, kind of embarrassed as everyone claps} Thanks.

Tom: Now, Michael, you're a Mets fan too..

Michael: I like the Mets

Tom: What would...if Christopher Walken were here...

Michael: {rolling his eyes and laughing} Oh God...

Tom: ... what would he say about the Mets this year?

Michael: You always do that, don't ya?

Tom: Yeah, I do.

Michael: Christopher Walken. He'd say {launches into his scarily accurate impression of Walken} "Tom...I think the Mets have a good chance this year...of doing well. Mo Vaughn...he's a large, big, strong black man....he can pop those balls right over the f..friggin fence. And then you got Cedeno...and you got Piazza...the pitching kind of sucks you've got Trachsel who is a C-Level pitcher he's worthless. But ya got Leiter, so the Mets are gonna do OK. That's Christopher Walken on the Mets."

{everyone claps and hoots and says "Yeah!"}

Chris: Hey Michael...of course, we know you from the small screen as well...the WB hit that you play Lex Luthor in...

Michael: Yes.

Chris: ...so um, it's every Tuesday, either 8 or 9PM depending on your region. I think it's one of those things.

Michael: Some places it's 8, I think here it's 9 o'clock, yeah...

Tom: Hey! What if John Malkovich...

Michael: Oh no...

Tom :...did a movie with Clint Eastwood called 'In The Line of Fire,' how would that conversation go? Give it to me brother.

{Michael laughs}

Tom: Nobody does Malkovich. It'll be great.

Michael: {to audience} You guys know who John Malkovich is?

Audience: Yeah

Tom: Keep it clean, keep it clean...as clean as you can. Go for it!

Michael: Clean?

Tom: Yeah. Go for it. As clean as ya can. Michael: {thinking} Umm...OK...In The Line of Fire, Clint Eastwood says (holds his hand up like he's talking on the phone, squinches his face up in a Clint Eastwood expression and says in a pretty good Eastwood voice} "You have a rendezvous with my ass, motherfucker."

Tom: And what does Malkovich say?

Michael: {doing Malkovich} "No. What you couldn't possibly know, Frank, is that they sent my friend...my comrade...in arms...to my home to kill me! I never liked you Frank, and I never will!"

{everyone again, claps, hoots and says, "Yeah!" Michael takes a swig of his water and starts play punching Tom on the arm}

Tom: I'm gonna see Sorority Boys this weekend. Should your audience go out and see this movie?

Michael: Absolutely!

Tom: It's gonna be fun, isn't it?

Michael: {to audience} Do ya like...do ya like naked...ness?

Audience: Yeah!

John: Do you know what it was...

Michael: Do ya like fart jokes? Do ya like, uh, college pranks?

Audience: Yeah!

John: You know what...

Michael: {to John} Hang on a second... {to audience} Do ya like... do ya like ******?

Audience: Yeah!

Michael: You're gonna like 'Sorority Boys'! Wooo!

{everyone cheers}

Chris: Michael stars in 'Sorority Boys.' You can also catch him every week in the show 'Smallville' on the WB. Michael thanks for joining us...